Trials and Hope

     One thing I have learned in this life is that it doesn't tend to go as planned.  That's hard for me, because I'm a PLANNER.  I've already started planning what we will eat at the dinner after Kennedy's baptism.....in December.  I've pretty much planned out my kids' entire summer with activities I'd like to do and things I want to teach them.  I have enough home improvement projects planned to last at least 15 more years and we may not even live here then.
      When I was 20 I decided I wanted to go on a mission.  I anticipated being an excellent missionary, coming home much wiser and more knowledgeable, meeting the perfect guy and starting a little family.  Well, I came home from my mission after only 5 months, clinically depressed.  This was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through.  Did I learn from it?  Yes!  Did I grow?  Yes!  Am I a better person for it today?  I  hope so.  I sure have met a LOT of people who suffer from depression/anxiety and hope that I've been able to help them as I can completely empathize with what they are feeling.
      By the time I was 24 I was starting to wonder if I'd ever meet the man I would marry.  Turns out, unbeknownst to me, he was at my ISU graduation (not for me) and also at the MTC at the same time as me.  I continued going to school and got my teaching degree.  I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a young child, but what I really wanted, more than anything, was to be a mom.  I will admit that NOT getting married right away and having babies was a big trial for me.  Did I learn from it?  Yes.  Did I grow?  Yes.  Am I better person for it today?  I think so.....I feel blessed to have had the best of both worlds....a career and a mom.
     Basically, I am living my dream....I get to stay home with my sweet children and I'm married to a great guy.  Just one little thing....I always thought I'd have at least a half a dozen kids (and maybe I will), but for now, I just have three.  Please don't get me wrong, I adore my three children, they are fantastic and the biggest blessings of my life and yes, I selfishly want more.  I know there are people out there who can't have any children at all, so I do consider myself blessed.  But, at the same time, it has been a bit of trial for me.   So, I'm doing what helped me get through the other trials I've been through...I'm trusting God.  Trusting that He knows what's best for me and my little family and hoping that I can accept His will and forget MY PLANS. 
     As President Uchdorf said in Conference a few years ago, " In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will 'work together for [our] good' as we follow the counsel of God’s prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair."
     I know that the trials we have are "custom-made" for each one of us.  It's the only way we can each individually grow in the ways that we personally need.  I know our Heavenly Father loves us and does have a PLAN for each of us.  So....will I learn from this trial?  I can't believe how much I've already learned.  Will I grow from it....definitely!!!  It has surely brought me closer to my Heavenly Father, my husband and made me appreciate my kiddos more.  Will I be a better person?  I hope so.

My cuties, having a picnic on the kitchen floor!  Love it!